Most people put off the first conversation for much longer than they should. Not because they are
unsure they need it, but because they do not know what to expect. Will I have to talk about my
childhood? Will I cry in front of a stranger? Will someone tell me at the end what is wrong with me?
This text tries to remove that uncertainty, because it is often the only thing standing between a person
and the first step.
Before the conversation
Get in touch however is easiest for you: through the form, by email or by phone. You do not have to
explain what is wrong. Two sentences are enough, or even one, if that is all you can manage. I reply
within 48 hours and suggest two times. There is nothing to prepare: no notes, no timeline, no
explanation. Many people feel nervous before the first appointment, and some cancel it and then book
again. That is part of the story too. Whatever has kept you from getting in touch for months will not
disappear the moment you send the message, and that is fine.
What happens in the conversation
The first conversation is a consultation, and it is free. It lasts fifty minutes, ninety for couples and
families, and takes place in person in Belgrade or online, as you choose. You talk, and I listen and ask.
You do not have to start at the beginning or tell things in order. It is best to start with what made you
get in touch now, rather than a year ago or a year from now. That question, why now, often carries
more than anything else, because something had to shift for you to write that message. In the first
conversation I do not diagnose and I do not give advice. At the end I tell you how I see what you have
told me and whether I think this way of working makes sense for you. If I think another approach or
another colleague would suit you better, I will tell you that too, and help you find them. The
conversation commits neither you nor me.
The most important question of the first conversation is not what is wrong, but why
you got in touch now.
What to ask
The first conversation is not only a chance for me to hear you, but for you to check me. Here are
questions worth asking, and no reasonable person will hold them against you:
• How do you work, and what actually happens in sessions?
• How often would we meet, and how long might the work take?
• What does it cost, how is it paid, and how do cancellations work?
• What happens if something in the work does not suit me, or if we disagree?
• How will we know that something is changing?
• Have you worked with people who came with what I am coming with?
If someone takes offence at questions like these, that is already an answer. With me you will get a clear
answer to most of them straight away. To some, such as how long the work will take, the honest
answer is that it cannot be known in advance, but that the work has a direction and an end, and that we
will check together whether something is changing, in life and not only in the room.
How to know it is the right person
Not by whether you like them. Liking is pleasant, but it is not the measure. The measure is whether you
felt that one day you could tell this person something you have never told anyone, and not be judged
for it. A little discomfort after the first conversation is not a bad sign; it often means something has
been touched. A bad sign is leaving with the feeling that you were only half heard, or that someone
already knew in advance what you needed. The first conversation is a test for you as well, not only for
me. There is one question worth taking into it: what would you say if you were sure no one would judge
you?